One of the most fundamental questions to ask yourself in your life is: why?
I found that asking the right question is more important than obtaining the right answer. When you ask yourself a question and let it stay in your mind, your subconscious mind will filter your experience of the world in such a way that the answer is likely to come up. But if you get the right answer to the wrong question you are likely to go into the wrong direction.
Why is “why?” the question to ask?
In my experience, the motivation I have for an undertaking and the happiness that I get from it depend on what my deep inner motivations are to do it. The roots of my motivation and the inner drive I have for an undertaking determine how happy and fulfilled I get from doing it.
I came up with this principle when I had the idea to start an online import business. When I was younger I always had the dream to start a business at the age of about 25. In the beginning of 2017 I turned 25, and later in the year I had the idea to start an online import business with specific food products from England. I was really fascinated by the idea and wanted to start straight away. I figured it was the very right time to start my business as I was 25 and the Pound was low because of Brexit. I changed my weekly schedule and was able to squeeze in one day per week on which I could work on my business besides my studies and my part-time job.
However, soon after my first evaluation I started to realise that it might not be such a good time to start my business. The additional day I squeezed into my week made my weekly schedule very tight. Also, I was going to do a semester abroad in Paris in the beginning of 2018, so I wouldn’t be in Switzerland to send out the goods for the first half of 2018. Even so, I was determined to start my business.
However, I was feeling something was not right and I felt like my weekly schedule was way too tight leaving almost no free time for relaxing and recovering. Then, I started to ask myself why I really wanted to start my business at this specific moment in time (September 2017). I started to realise that I had only very little time for my business besides my studies and part-time job, and during the semester abroad I preferred to learn French and enjoy my experience abroad rather than working day in and day out for my online business.
I started to go deeper and asked myself this question:
Why do I really want to start this business at this moment in time?
I realised that looking deeply inside myself I actually wanted to do it because I had this stiff idea that I had to start a business at the age of 25. I wanted to be able to say “I had the dream to do it at 25 and I did it at 25”. I was doing it much rather to fulfil an ideal mental construct of how I wanted to be and what I wanted to achieve in life rather than because I really felt an inner drive and motivation to start this business at this moment in time. I realised that in the end it was more of an ego thing to start this business at that time, rather than the “right” thing to do or the thing I really wanted to do at this moment in time.
That, however, does not mean that I don’t want to start a business. I will do it when I find that my motivation is right. Also, after evaluating the why I realised that neither would I be deceiving myself if I didn’t start my business at that moment in time, nor would I avoid the project due to the fear of starting. It took me about a month to come to this realisation and agree with myself not to start this business at that moment in time. I finally concluded to postpone the start of my business, because it was just not the right moment to start, rather than because of avoidance and fear.
By evaluating the why in this example and digging deep into my inner motivations to do or not do the project I came to understand what I really wanted to do and why. I can imagine that quite a lot of businesses are started without deeply analysing what the root motivations are to start it. Also, in other areas of life I think that a lot of undertakings are potentially based on the wrong inner motivations and drives. Examples are studying a subject or working in a field that your parents wanted you to work in rather than you really being fascinated about it, wanting to be in a relationship to avoid being alone rather than being deeply fascinated by the other person or being friends with people to obtain fame, prestige or a feeling of being superior to others rather than because you deeply enjoy spending time with them. Other smaller things are going out clubbing either to get validation from the opposite sex or to “forget” about your life through drinking rather than feeling a deep joy to go dancing, enjoying the music and time with your friends. Another example is posting some photo or status on Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat etc. to make other people jealous rather than really wanting to share your experience and inspire other people.
If you get more aware of why you are doing something and go deep into the process of evaluating the roots of your motivation to do something you will make the right decision more often and will be happier doing the things you are doing. You will also get more in tune with your intuition and your core self, which will tell you what you want deep inside yourself. The reason for this is that deep inside yourself you know what is the right thing for you to do. However, there might be a lot of surface layer motivations of why you want to do something, which shield you off from seeing why you actually want to do something at the core. The process of evaluating why you want to do something will peel off all those layers one by one until you get to the core, i.e. root level motivation. When you get to that root level you will see what actually drives you. Then you can decide if you want to do that something based on the motivation you encountered at the core.
So, how do you evaluate the why for a specific situation or undertaking?
It is pretty simple: ask yourself why do you want to do it?
Give yourself time and mental space to go deep on this question. Why do you really want to do it? As you go deeper on this question you will go through several layers of superficial motivations. As you get used to asking yourself this question you can get to the root motivations faster, but as you start out a lot of superficial motivation will pop up at first, which will make a lot of sense if you look at them from afar, but will be replaced by more deeply rooted motivations once you start to be more honest and in tune with yourself.
What you want to achieve by this process is getting more and more aware of what drives you. In this process you will typically realise that a lot of the things you are doing are motivated by either of the following things: proving yourself to yourself or other people (such as friends, parents, spouse etc.), obtaining fame/appreciation/love/friendship/affection from other people, feeling superior to other people and feeling worthy in general.
The idea is not to judge yourself for having those superficial motivations but to realise and be aware that you have them. It is normal to have superficial motivations and needs inside yourself. Asking the why question is about taking decisions. Once you have seen through all the layers of your motivations and needs give yourself the space and start to feel what is your motivation at the core. Is there a deep inner joy and fascination for the undertaking or thing you want to do?
For some undertakings there might be some surface layer motivation such as obtaining fame or feeling worthy, but also at the deepest level there might be real fascination and joy. However, there could also be a lot of surface layer motivations such as wanting to prove yourself to others or need for affection from other people and no actual real joy and fascination for the undertaking at the core. Whichever motivations you encounter just realise they are there without judging that you have them.
In knowing what your motivations are, dive deep inside yourself and feel what it really is what you want. After getting to know all motivations you have encountered do you still want to do this undertaking based on those motivations?
Then try to hold this feeling until you are sure if it is what you actually want. If you have this inner assurance that you really want to do that undertaking then take a strong decision to do it. Take your time and put energy in the decision (e.g. write it down or make a ritual out of it). If you have the inner assurance that you don’t want to do it based on the motivations you encountered, then decide that you do not want to do it or evaluate what other things you could do to fulfil the needs those motivations arose from and ask yourself the why question about those other things.
If you have taken the right decision for yourself you will see that the energy, motivation and joy come up by themselves.
When your motivation is in tune with your core, rather than a surface layer need to be fulfilled, the energy, motivation and drive is not something you have to create using your willpower, but something that will emerge from within yourself. The motivation grows and sustains itself from within, i.e. from your core, not from your brain. Try to experience the difference between those two sources, the feeling of the brain and superficial needs and the feeling of your deep inner core. With time you will be able to distinguish between the two. This will help you to make the right choice.
By evaluating the why for your undertakings, you will get more and more in tune with what you want to do at the core and will be happier doing them.
To sepetate the so called superficious layers of motivation from the inner engin is not a simple task. Writing your own journey down and showing it to others in order „help“ or what ever, might be motivated superfically as well. I mean in the end might every experience leading to an disappointment. And every motivation comes from the belife that we are not complete. I belive there is nothing to do, to be happy. Also to do the“wrong“ is the right thing in order to get nearer to the truth. Isn‘t it like this?
Hey Holger,
I see your point. Right, there is nothing to do to be happy.
But suppose you are not happy right now, what do you then?
Obviously, telling someone who is not happy at that moment to realise that he has nothing to do to be happy is not a very easy pathway for him to go on.
If you then tell him to investigate into the roots of what he is doing in his life and why he is doing it might make him more aware of the roots that are causing the emotions that he is feeling. Once he knows the roots he might then see more clearly what would be the most direct way to deal with this root “issue” or causation.
But for sure there is also the universal way of contemplation and meditation, which will ultimately make you discover the same things. However, in my experience, it helps to combine different ways of dealing with one’s inner world.
That’s the reason why I write about applicable life philosophy. I like to talk about things that can be applied to life and one’s experience of it in an understandable way.
But in the end, I believe it is not about being happy, but rather about learning to enjoy to feel something, might it be happiness or sadness or anything else. And this might lead to more happiness, even though it was not the goal in the first place.